I am happy/ I am sad

I finally got what I wanted
you, with your brown eyes and long hands.
That night, I danced around my room like they do in the movies
singing “Walking on Sunshine” at the top of my lungs

Two years of waiting, finally over
What took you so long? Nevermind, I don’t care anymore
because I’m smiling more than I ever have
it’s leaving lines on my face but I don’t mind

I look at you when you’re not watching, you know
memorize your face and lace your fingers with mine
Thanking the stars you finally found me

I finally got what I wanted
so why do I feel like something is missing?
that night, I waited for a call that never came
silently screaming at the top of my lungs

Two years you kept me waiting
What took you so long? Hard as I try I can’t let it go
I cried more than I ever have
frown lines on my face deeper with time

I looked at you when you weren’t watching, you know
memorized your face and faced the truth
Wishing on a star that you’d finally see me



My spoken word about the topic: beautiful


I don’t look like the cover girls on magazines
I still hide at times because I don’t want to be seen
Because the magazines and shows express what it looks like to be a queen
Wear the foundation to cover the scars from the past
Eyeliner to define my Asian eyes
Lip liner to make my lips look fuller
Blush to make my cheeks look rosy
Red lipstick because I’m ashamed of my brown lips
Eyeshadow to make me look more dramatic
Like I’m an actress
I am… acting
Let me wear that smile all the time
When you tell me Megan Fox is so much prettier
My thick thighs don’t compare to her long leggy legs
My big waist doesn’t hold a candle to her hour glass…figure
My small slanty eyes don’t compare to her euro-centric eyes
But I stop and I think about
what it means to be beautiful
After I wipe off all the make up…
I take a look at the mirror and..
All I see is me
This is me.
and I am beautiful.

~Rowena Cabanayan

Tinikling is the national dance of the Philippines. It involves two bamboo poles that are hit on the ground or against each other to keep beat. Dancers dance in between the poles, and jump outside of them every time they are hit together, in order to not be caught in the bamboo. It is a fairly simple dance, but with some complicated movements. Missteps can lead to your feet being crushed.

Tinikling was named after a swift bird called the tikling. Rice farmers set up bamboo traps to catch these birds that would linger in their fields, but people later observed that the tinkling birds were quick and coordinated, and were able to dodge the bamboo traps in a graceful manner.

SFSU hosts a PCN, Pilipino Cultural Night, annually. It is a famous showcase of many traditional Philippine folk dances.
I danced Tinikling for last year’s show, the 39th anniversary of PCN, and received a standing ovation for our award-winning performance.
This was one of the most exhilarating moments of my college career, because I had never gotten such a response from a large crowd of people.
Not only did I feel accomplished, I made my relatives proud for representing my culture on stage.
Combining dance and culture, two things that define me, was an incredible feeling, and I invite you all to watch my performance, which I have included here.

– Jeanne Bautista –

Wishing to Stay Asleep

Lying awake but no desire to see
Wishing my life contained more glee
Unable to open my eyes to the world
Deep depression, my mind a swirl
I wish not to leave my dreams
Sleep trumps life, or so it seems
Wishing to love my life
But I am so torn up by strife
So many stresses on my mind
I am constantly in a bind
Who am I?
I roll out of bed with a sigh
Greeting yet another miserable day
To ease my sorrow I spark a jay
Why do I drift deeper and deeper into despair?
If only I could care
About the direction my future took
I should just glance and take a look
But my depression kept me down
All I wished to do was pound and pound
Beer after beer
Tear after tear
Will yet again be filled with sorrow




i know:

your eyes are the color of almonds; i want to swim inside of them


a cigarette                       the smoke                  a meditation

i think of:          (the place where we meet: the chinese bakery

drinking black coffee, eating sesame cookies)


you place your palm on my chest &

my heart beats in your hand (not knowing what else to do)


the space                          a prayer                       a tiny dream


at the airport we wait for my connecting flight

–unsure of when it will arrive


i remember:

the face of the lake ripples; a black fish swims beneath


a pause                           your breath                 you exhale


for all this trouble, which we have earned–i know it is worth it



a whisper To A ROAR

One of my summer jobs is marketing this independent film “A Whisper To A Roar” and it’s actually a really interesting. We’re working on getting it shown in local theaters, but that information is still pending. If you’re interested in politics, democracy, or the worldly things, please check it out and share it with your friends. Watching this film really made me realize that I take our freedoms and privileges for granted. Even if you’re not into the news, this documentary really resonates on an emotional, human level.


Thanks in advance for checking it out and LIKEing the page!


Choreography: Ahana
Dancers: Ahana + Kat
Film + editing: Kat
Music: Kat + company

a rhythm with reason
a song through the seasons
fluid silk
solid rapids
We are water, we are human–
not of dusty camels and prickly cactus
When the tap runs dry
we cry out
for water


Did You Watch the Titanic?

In April 2012, James Cameron’s movie Titanic rereleased in 3D in China. For the past 15 years, people have been waiting for the day that the Titanic would come back again. After only a few days, the profits of this film broke to $130 million dollars in China. I went to the cinema and sat at the very back of the theater. It is a really amazing film. My heart is so full that I can’t explain it. But, wait…does the film have something missing? Where is the part where Rose and Jack are in the carriage alone? Yes, the blue part of that beautiful tale was deleted by the Bureau of Television in china.

I am not only confused but also angry. Is that scene too sexy?

I have been nursing a grievance against the Bureau of Television in China for months. If you want to watch sex, you can just watch it in your own home. That is much more efficient. You can buy any types of porno films online. Why was the sex part of Titanic cut? I don’t think it makes sense. Sex is part of human nature. As long as you are human, you can’t separate your relationship with sex. Even though I don’t think it is appropriate to talk too much about sex in public, it is really ridiculous that the Bureau of Television erased that beautiful expression of love from Titanic.

Windows to the Soul

These eyes betray me

They tell my story

They just won’t let me hide

Their color warms to a golden honey

When from my heart love oozes

But when the honey hardens

and turns to a topaz

It means I’m crushed

and I all I want is to hide

These eyes betray my every move

They give away my story

The ivory changes with the tinge of blood

When tears have stained these cheeks

But when passion ignites me

the gold flakes dancing in these eyes

long to share my story

These eyes betray me

They tell my story

They just won’t let me hide

Just look within them

And you will see

What I say is not a lie

My Greatest Fear

My greatest fear would have to be failure. Failure, the lack of success, is a lot of the time the reason as to why individuals don’t attempt to achieve their goals. Personally, I fall into this group of individuals. I sometimes find myself not doing certain things just because I’m afraid that I won’t succeed at it.

One example of this is at my job at Apple. Although I don’t even avoid anyone when they need help, I always get a hesitant feeling in my stomach doubting myself, thinking that I’m not going to be able to sell this product to this person that well. Apple keeps very close attention to your numbers and what you sell; they want all of the main products that you sell — computer, iPad, iPhone, and iPod — to contain a certain percentage of loyalties. These percentages are very hard to keep up. Usually, when offered to buy the loyalties, people initially think that I’m trying to sell them something that they don’t need so it can be extremely difficult to persuade them to actually buy them (they are actually something they need). Not getting the loyalties from the transaction can make a specialist feel like the interaction was a failure.

Another example is when I have to write an essay on a certain topic — like Shakespeare. That topic is almost too gray for me to where I can’t figure out what to write about because I don’t want to write on the “wrong” thing. The worry about failing because of writing the wrong thing makes me procrastinate the essay and shoot myself in the foot. This is why math is so much easier for me because there’s really only one correct way to do a math problem thus resulting in less doubt in myself and less worry about failing.

How about you guys? What’s your biggest fear? Would you agree that the worry of failure can prevent you from being able to complete certain tasks?